He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
