I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I could make wine with my vomit
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
