yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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