Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
