Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
