I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
