I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
