so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
