WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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