Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
