He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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