i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
