I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My balls are so social today.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
