My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
