I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
