took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
