the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
