Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
