so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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