That's when you crack a 10am beer
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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