i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
