Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
