The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
