Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
