he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
