God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
