Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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