i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
