So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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