I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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