Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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