dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
