you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
