I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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