it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
