does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
