Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
