Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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