Swine flu. Run for my life!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
