Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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