He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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