if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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