So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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