he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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