the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
