He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
