I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
