We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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