Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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