Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
