Swine flu. Run for my life!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
