1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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