the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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